The Cost of Living: from and to, or…
Thoughts from my bed

by Rachel Hazlewood

I try to live my life – and then

I find I’m back in bed again:

Exhausted, drained, wrung out and weak;

Too tired to move; too tired to speak;

Too tired to lift my head – or blink.

The only thing to do is THINK

I think about the life I had:

It breaks my heart, it makes me sad

To think of what I used to be

Before this illness – before ME.

I used to take it all for granted

Being and doing whatever I wanted:

I could work all week and meet with friends and talk,

And don my boots and walk and walk……

I loved to walk. Oh Boy! Oh Man!

I’d walk up Snowdon, up Pen Y Fan,

Cross Striding Edge and up Helvellyn

If I tried that now there’d be no telling

What price I’d pay for the attempt:

I guess I’d end up back here, in bed – unkempt.

You might think I’m daft; or mad; plain crazy.

It’s all in my head – perhaps I’m lazy.

There are no tricks, no hocus-pocus

For us we must fine tune our focus.

Nowadays there’s far too much to lose

If I don’t take the time to carefully choose.

With this relentless illness in my life –

Today should I be friend or sister, daughter, aunt or wife.

Should I give my all at work – or stay at home

Feeling useless, worthless, abandoned – alone.

Should I wash up, or hoover, or do a small task in the garden.

If I cancel plans with you I do beg your pardon.

But when your life is touched by ME

You’ll understand, you’ll quickly see:

Whatever I choose there will be a price to pay

Tomorrow, if I choose too much today.

For you may think it’s great to lie in bed

All day, and rest and sleep and dream;

But not for me – in pain, exhausted

To lie and think and silently scream………………